“Man, fuck that guy.” Woofer said. His eyebrows furrowed as he looked up at Denise.
“What do you mean, why do you say that?” She asked, her words coming out jumbled.
“He is a class A 110% douche-bag. You know he had a girl over last week?”
“Sure, Woofer – Marcy came over with her baby.”
“I mean after that. When you had that business meeting. He wined and dined her like he’s never done for you before.”
“Stop being ridiculous.” A hint of doubt crept into Denise’s voice.
“Then they went outside together and looked at the stars. You remember he did that with you on your first date? He must have a strategy, the douche.” Woofer made what looked like a rude gesture with one of his back legs.
“Honey, I’m home!” Denise could almost hear Mark rolling his eyes. He had developed a habit of saying it each time he came through the door. It was funny the first few times, but now he only said it out of habit.
“Hey babe, what’s up?” Mark stuck his head into the room, looking from Denise to Woofer. “You having a heart to heart with the dog or something?”
Woofer’s hackles went up for a split second. “Woof,” he said. He let out a low growl.
“Woofer can talk, apparently. And he hasn’t said anything good about you.”
Mark laughed. “What on earth are you talking about?”
“What did you do after Marcy left last week, hmm?” Denise placed her hands on her hips. Mark began to laugh again, thinking it was mock anger, but then he caught sight of Denise’s face: her eyes were alive with anger.
“I cooked food and watched TV, Denise – what can I say?”
“Woofer seems to think you brought a woman back here.”
“Are you serious right now? You’re going off what a dog told you? Are you out of your mind?”
“Just… go stay with one of your friends tonight, Mark. I can’t face you.”
Mark paused, giving Denise a calculated look. She replied with a glare. Realising it would do no good to argue, he nodded and walked back out of the house.
Denise sat down, her weight against the sofa sounding heavier than usual. Woofer came over to her and rested his head on her lap.
“Can I do anything, Denise?” He asked.
“Thanks Woofer, but I think I’ll just have a lie down for now.” She rotated her body so she was lying down on the sofa. Woofer jumped up too and licked Denise’s face, his tail wagging furiously. He lay down next to her.
“The little spoon,” he said, “I love being the little spoon.” He gave a smug smile and muttered under his breath, “Good riddance,” just quiet enough that Denise couldn’t hear.
This was inspired by a video of a dog getting jealous of its owners kissing. I can’t find it anymore, but there we go.