I guess we haven’t known each other all that long, but I’m finally beginning to warm to you. Sure, I loved you when we first met – everything seemed exciting; our love seemed boundless. But then there was that period where everything darkened. You changed, and in doing so, took away some people I really cared for. You made me confused about what I wanted; made me wary of the future and unsure if I could trust you as though it were all incredible fun (which it wasn’t). And it was tough, but I guess I got through it.
I used to think those years we had as teenagers were fake: that I wasn’t really upset with you; that it was all just a phase. But now I’m not so sure. You hurt me irreparably then. In fact, you hurt me up until a little while ago. I didn’t know if I even knew you during that time. I thought you must have been cheating on me, because you surely weren’t mine.
And I didn’t want you anyway.
I wanted you to leave and never come back. I wanted you to disappear. I was uncomfortable with you; didn’t know what our future would hold.
But now – oh this is so cliché, don’t you think? Now I think I love you. Sure, you have your faults – your creases I haven’t yet ironed out. But I wake up to you every day and I’m thankful that you’re mine. I’m thankful I made the decisions I did. And in a way, I still want to disappear. I want to vanish to an unknown place so I can experience that excitement I felt when we first met… but there’s one thing that’s changed:
I want to disappear with you.