Is freedom fleeting?

Imagine this: an event which occurs in a moment, yet shapes your whole life. This had only happened to her on a couple of occasions, but all the milliseconds were treasured; encapsulated in her memory so that at any given time, she could recount the contents as clearly as if they had been recorded on film and replayed continually for months on end. These moments of clarity were unusual for her: for the most part, she had ventured through her life in a forgetful haze, remembering only the key details which allowed her to survive.

She remembered sitting on a cold, stone step overlooking a dark valley. The only human for miles on end, she was comforted by her thoughts and the blanket flung hastily around her shoulders. Watching the sky slowly become subtle shades of pinks and oranges, she understood that all her actions up until that point had been selfless. Yet she was unhappy: she had formed relationships with any who were willing; had gone out of her way to please them. And these sacrifices had been detrimental to her self – they had warped her character so that she fitted into different cliques and clans, even though it meant that she had lost all sense of her very being. She had only ever lived through the means of Collectivism; was a Communist in her ideals. Yet when she was alone – as on the cold, stone step overlooking the dark valley – she was unsure how to act; what was truly her. This revelation unnerved her, made her realise the parasite she had become. She lived and loved through others; had never felt the notion of pure, unadulterated, selfish happiness, but rather only a small swell of satisfaction when others looked upon her with gratitude, which merely concealed the hollowness of her being for a nanosecond.

This moment set her free. It made her strive for self contentment; made her use untapped talents and resources which would have otherwise been left dormant; longing for release. She set about with a new lease of life, feeling the powerful Godliness of her existence.

Exactly three years later, another moment struck her with the full force of a body rushing into a wall at high speed. Similar to the body, time seemed to halt equally as fast, so the impact of the event which ensued was more intense than anything felt before. Working on a dig site – the profession she held in the most revered fashion – she made two very important discoveries in quick succession, both of which were equally as shocking to her. She had spent a fair amount of time bent over a particularly strange piece of porcelain when she noticed a sudden chill to the air and the ground darken around her petite build. Glancing up, she looked first towards the direction of the Sun, but instead came into contact with two bare legs. And she realised that this must have been the Sun Stealer, for ever follicle of hair on the legs glistened a light brown, whilst swaying slightly in the warm breeze. She had never been in love, but realised at once that a part of her had been captured simply by the way the light hit those calves. She gazed up until her eyes met his, but not before she noticed the slight sneer on his face as he looked down upon her. Beneath this scrutinising stare, she felt insignificant, yet fully prepared to be crushed by him. As eyes cradled eyes, she saw not only her physical reflection in his pupils, but also her character and the ideals she stumbled upon three years prior to that day. She greeted him hesitantly and surely, for she knew he understood what was to be said even before the words had been uttered. This made her feel strong, yet embarrassed; made her feel even more insignificant. Bowing her head slightly, a glow from the porcelain piece caught her attention. Squinting, she saw ‘ad maiorem gloriam Hominis’ scrawled upon the surface. She knew enough Latin to realise the play on the usual phrase ‘ad maiorem Dei gloriam’ and stood abruptly, staring at the scrap of material and walking away from the man in a daze, eager to explore that which she had found. Instinctively, she knew that he would understand and would not hamper her discoveries, just as she would treat his passion with the same respect.

This moment bound her in tight bandages; wrapped around her protectively, yet hampered her from ever feeling the same again. It made her long for that which she hadn’t considered for three years: to belong. Yet her perspective had changed in those three years, and she knew that they could never be anything but equals. So she set about with a renewed lease of life, feeling the powerful Godliness of her existence combined with his.

Happy in the knowledge that, even during her last, rattling breath, she would feel warm and fulfilled; full of life and glowing with love.

Author: Jasmine

Hi, my name's Jasmine, I'm 25 and I live in London. This blog is simply to note down my current thoughts - got any opinions on what I write about (or if you simply want to drop me a line), comment me :)!

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